Daughter’s text to Dad:
Daddy, I’m coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook ready. LOL! As you know, I’m in Australia and he’s in the US. We met on a dating site, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on Whatsapp. He proposed to me on Skype and now we’ve had a 2 month relationship through Viber. Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding. Lots of love, Lilly.
Dad’s reply:
Dear Lilly,
Wow. What a journey. From dating site… to Facebook… to WhatsApp… to Skype… and now Viber.
At this rate, your honeymoon will be on Google Meet and your first baby will be born via Zoom.
You say you’ve known him for two months?
That’s longer than some of my houseplants survive, so I guess it’s serious.
But before I break out the checkbook—which I haven’t seen since you last borrowed it in 2017—let me ask a few questions:
- Is he real? (Not AI-generated, right?)
- Has he passed the “Mom Stalks Social Media for Red Flags” test?
- Does he know you still sleep with Mr. Fluffykins, your teddy bear from age 7?
Also, Lilly, sweetie… you’re in Australia, he’s in the U.S., and the wedding is… where exactly?
Please don’t say Metaverse.
Anyway, if you’re happy, I’m happy.
Just know this: I’ll walk you down the aisle proudly—as long as your virtual fiancé doesn’t try to pay the dowry in Bitcoin.
With love, worry, and a calculator in hand,
Dad
P.S. Tell him if he breaks your heart, I’ll find him on Viber, Skype, Zoom, Teams, or even MySpace if I have to.